The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
