He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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