So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
