lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
