Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize