he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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