Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
