And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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