smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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