people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
