i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
