I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
