he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
