DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
