I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
