I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize