Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
