Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
