i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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