Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
