Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
