Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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