Yo dont text me then not text me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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