the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just high enough for therapy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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