I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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