My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
