i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
