When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
