This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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