You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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