i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
