Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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