I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
