That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
