well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
