dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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