every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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