who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
