Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
