I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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