What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
