She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
