i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
