just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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