I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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