Kiss
Puke
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize