i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
