Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
