Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
