He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
