Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
