He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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