Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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