Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize