By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
