you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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