I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
