he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
