think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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