Do you still have your period?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
