Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want a musical about memes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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