hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
