i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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