I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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