Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
