I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
