Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
