I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
