yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
