I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
