Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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