Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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