Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
