just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
