capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
