omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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