Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Still dying that you shit outside
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
