i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
