you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
