Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
