1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
