I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
