The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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