you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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