Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Houston, we have a squirter
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
