I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
