how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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