mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
