Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF

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(239): View more from Florida

yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.

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(815): View more from Illinois

there was naked duck duck goose

(703): View more from Virginia

how does that even get suggested?!

(815): View more from Illinois

after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal

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(415): View more from California

You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.

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(716): View more from New York

He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.

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