She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
