there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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