matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
