I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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