ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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