hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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