my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it glows. i had to have it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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