once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
