you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
