no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
